Contradiction of feelings

Firstly, what would normally make me over-the-moon excited and girly and giddy.

I bought my first piece of Prada this week. Black classic sunglasses. My philosophy with a purchase like this is buy the classics. Just like buying your first pair of Christian Louboutin shoes, just get a classic black stiletto, the purple velvet will date kind of quickly!

Anyway, i paid for my sunglasses, I wore them with pride.

But then they made me think.

Whilst walking up the main street of Springwood with my Armani black patent handbag, my Prada sunglasses and my Longview Garden Centre red paisley gumboots on, I felt like a model. I am not saying that feeling like a model is a bad thing, it is actually good for the self conscious ones to occasionally feel good about themselves but I got to wondering about the power that some people have.

A pair of Prada sunglasses made me feel like a model. The nod or shake of the head from Ms Miuccia Prada herself can make or break the career of a model.

That lady can literally take anyone off the street and tell them to wear some clothes and walk down a runway and give that person instant fame and a career.

Sure this is beneficial to those she chooses to make famous and that she chooses are pretty enough but who gave her the right to pick and choose like that?

Why is it that an industry and its lemming supporters (one of which I am!) trust and believe the judgement and choices made by a single person and we let those judgments and choices become gospel.

If she says wear a pair of pants with a massive hole in the crutch then to hell I WILL WEAR THOSE PANTS!
If she makes a gap-tooth girl walk down her runway and smile her gap-tooth face at the end of the runway, I'm going to go get some pliers and start separating those little pearly whites right up front!

This just frustrated me a bit!



Secondly, what should have probably had me hospitalised actually made me smile.

My winter school material turned up today. I love getting post but it was a minor let down opening up the pretty red parcel and being graced with unit outlines and readings books!

After having a slight fit in my sisters car whilst she laughed and checked that I had only signed up for two subjects, I sank back into the chair and let myself think.

If I make it through this winter school adventure, I GRADUATE FROM UNI THIS YEAR!

Uni has not been something easy and simple for me. I have struggled and I am not afraid to say that I have hated it and have not applied myself to it.

BUT!

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

I FINISH THIS YEAR! I WILL BE A GRADUATE!!!

(please note my sheriff badge next to the 'once was forrest' readings books! It is a symbol of my 'I'm going to kick ass at this open uni stuff' drive and determination TO GRADUATE!)

Well have a good night everyone.
I am signing my Friday night away to essays, readings and blogging. (I have missed the latter.)

WE HAVE A WINNER

Kap Bambino - Intimacy (Requiem For A Dream Montage) from Comrade_ on Vimeo.

The first that matters to celebrate

It has been a week since I celebrated one of my gorgeous best friend's 21st birthdays. We had the best lunch at Doyles at Watson's Bay and then went a little bit crazy in the city.


That craziness in the city, well at Fake saw us not get much sleep. I am thinking that to say we got 2 hours sleep would be very generous, incredibly generous actually. Waking up at 6:30 to get the train home as Manny walks in the door to just get home was an experience I haven't had in a while.


I rocked up to work, 2 hours early. Yes this may seem stupid and some may ask why didn't I just stay in the city longer and sleep longer at Marks? Well I answer with this, I never would have made it home. I would have fallen asleep and never woken up again.


I intended on sleeping in my darling sisters car for those two early ours. Naturally she didn't want me to miss out on seeing our regular coffee customers though as she sent them over to the car to tap on the window and point and laugh. The good girl, mature Hannah imagine was tarnished for a split second but don't worry, they then congratulated me on having fun for once (hint taken, I need to loosen up a bit).


I made it through that day at work and then yes, I made it through mothers day. In fact I felt fine! No hangover whatsoever!


I had the best night out in the city last Saturday night. I hadn't been into the city for at least 18 months and it bought back memories and feelings that I regret losing.


In the last week I have not had the best week. I was convinced a fortnight ago that I was back to the old me, and that life was back on the mend. This week has proved that I was wrong.


All I have proved this week is that I am amazing at faking it!


I am the master of putting on a brave face and convincing people that life is bloody sweet hey!


The only group of people I don't have to fake it with is the people I was with last weekend (and the one that had to stay home)


My hint to a happy life is find a group like these guys. You can feel like absolute dirt and absolute shit with yourself but go out with people like this and they actually make you forget about it. They actually make you like yourself.


Happy Birthday Clo!


You are beautiful and always will be!

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

Go And Crumple Some Leaves

As you are all aware, it is Autumn. The leaves are brown/orange/red and falling off the trees.


Anything could happen to me this season and I will remain smiling. This is my favourite season. I just think everything looks beautiful, it is my destress season and I have nothing to complain about.


On this note I would like to pass a message on to Barack Obama.


As the leader of the free world, why did justice not prevail? 


Osama Bin Laden was an ass. Yes I will acknowledge that but just out of curiosity, why did he not stand trial? 


Isn't that what you did with Saddam Hussein? You gave that ass a trial and he killed tens of thousands of people! The interview I saw with you (President Obama) really upset me. You justified killing Bin Laden because he had killed thousands ON AMERICAN SOIL. Why should it matter where or when or how? 


I am not justifying Bin Laden's actions. All I am concerned about is how everything has unfolded. Presidents and Prime Ministers seem to just pick and choose how they do things. To them, everything is a case by case basis but I am pretty sure, morally, justice should just be justice.


If they have such a high moral standing and didn't see the need for Bin Laden to stand trial, then why has no one topped Robert Mugabe? Pretty sure he is crazy and insane. Oh and I am pretty sure he has killed some people in his time.


Oh wait! We have nothing to gain from him, thats right! EXCEPT JUSTICE!


Thanks to Autumn though, I am not going to carry on about this. It is something that upsets me and that frustrates me but in the end, what happened has happened and its going to take a lot to change what may or is going to happen.


I will finish this post with a suggestion though.


Mr President, maybe you should rock it down to Australia, go and run through the leaves, think about the small things in life and then go and make major plans of action and attack!

Innocence - thing of the past.

I will never again complain about how I was brought up or the morals and ethics that I now hold firm. I have spent a day at uni which means I have also spent a lot of time on trains and train stations.

What has happened to innocence and the concept of being a child?

Little school relationships were defined by reaching different bases.

First base was establishing your friends could communicate well and that through Chinese whispers, you and this guy were destined to be together. You came under the bracket of cutely innocent when you asked your best friend to ask her third best friend from a different group to ask the guy who sits next to that guy in class if he thought you were cute. Then he would reply by saying to the guy he sits next to to tell your second best friend twice removed that he thought you were cute and maybe you would go out with him.

Second base was the first date. This, in some of my friends cases, consisted of walking a lap of the school oval. You would be standing two metres from the love of your life. The best friend representatives of the two parties involved could be found in hot pursuit only a step behind the doting couple. The man of the relationship would puff his chest and occasionally get protective if a rogue football was kicked in 'their girls' direction. The girl would giggle and over dramatise situations. (Yes, I did do this – oh risque little me!)

How Edwardian of us and we didn't even notice.

Third base. This was when you knew things were reaching crunch time. It was make or break for the rest of your life. Who cares about meeting the parents, setting up a career or establishing yourself. If a guy could not handle a day at the movies down at Penrith Plaza with you AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS then no way honey, get rid of him! He is so not right for you! You would spend the whole day not talking to him, this meant it was a successful date and you had powered through third base with flying colours.

Despite this progression and the clear chokehold cupid had intended for us young lovebirds, many relationships bloomed and then wilted! How on earth did these three bases fail? What possibly went wrong? What made the spark disappear?

Mind you, I am glad I experienced those innocent relationships. They have made me a stronger person. I have learnt a lot about myself, who I am and what I will tolerate thanks to those relationships.

Innocent relationships these days teach the youth of today lessons as well. Unfortunately, their innocent life lessons include pregnancy, addiction and what the legal system.

Sitting on Penrith station this morning, waiting for my train to leave for Kingswood I enjoyed the entertainment supplied by school kids. It was not a production of maturity or sensibility. Rather, it was a display of youthful activities of the 21st century.

"F**ing pass a smoke aye." 

"Piss off Ryan ya f**ing dick."

"Yeah, nah, ya get this train so ya have time ta av some smokes aye before class."

PEOPLE, ITS NOT EVEN 8:15! I don't know any of my friends from school who could manage to say hello or how are you before recess. Kids these days are so much more advanced. Not only can they have conversations, but the language is extensive and so very eloquent. 

As I sat watching them I wept quietly to myself. 

All they did was stood there, swearing and smoking. 

Lets not even think about the legal side of this issue! Or should I say illegal. If you are a)in a school uniform, b) waiting for the public transport to take you to school c) have a backpack clearly too small to fit anything in it other than a wallet and mobile phone or d) screaming/giggling with your girlfriends in a language defined by LOL, ROFL and OMG then you are clearly a school student. School students are generally under 18. I am pretty sure the smoking law is over 18! Bit bloody obvious guys!

Dignity children! Self respect! I promise you will appreciate it one day.

Embrace your childhood. Why is it that people long to grow up and age faster these days? The significance of turning 18 just doesn't matter anymore. Even turning 16.

16th birthday cards now traditionally say,

"Happy Birthday!

Yay you can DO IT...LEGALLY!"

Don't have sex! Save yourself the drama. You should be worrying about The School Certificate and Justin Bieber. You shouldn't be worrying about the pill, condoms or being baby mummies and daddies. Babies are not toys!

When it comes to turning 18 and once again getting legal rights, the enjoyment isn't there anymore. Who cares about being legally allowed to drink when from the age of 12 you have been throwing up in gutters and your best friend's mum's car. There is no fun in doing something that is your usual saturday night out.

Ok i acknowledge I was probably a shit teenager who broke rules, who rebelled but come on. Is there not a different between breaking rules and breaking the law?

I think the consequences of each experience is quite different.

Alas, i could go on and on about this. Instead, I urge you to watch the youth of today and as you watch them, I can promise you this, saying "I hope I wasn't like this when I was that young" is justified (and more than likely true).

You like totally like want to like help out yeah!

I am studying journalism at UWS. For an assignment we have to post blogs on our personal student web portal. The whole purpose of the blogging is to get help and feedback on our second feature articles that we are writing.

Would someone like to please inform me what feedback I am going to get off students who have posted blogs such as,

"Hey everyone,
so this is me testing out my blog?? My skills with technology are limited so I'll do my best!"

Consequently I am begging for this blog to help me out.

I promise other posts will be more interesting and as discussed with Edenland, probably controversial but for this one, I am begging for help!

My feature article is on fashion. And like how like pretty and like totally awesome it is and like oh my god did you see the new shoes in Wanted!

No.

Not funny.

Ever.

I am writing a piece on fashion but it is focusing on the mental stability of designers and asks the question of whether or not the industry is to blame for the extremism coming through in high end fashion.

My inspiration comes from the late Alexander McQueen and the direction and designs coming out of his fashion house (now under the gorgeous Sarah Burton).

Also the talent of John Galliano contrasted with his outburst and anti-semetic comments (silly talented man.

I am aiming to interview Australian designer Elliot Ward-Fear whose designs I see as similar to those of Galliano and the McQueen fashion house.

My request to this blogging world is contacts. Does anyone know of a physcologist or expert in the field of fashion or fashion mentality?

Or anyone of interest really who could shed light on my article.

When the article is in editting and the 'oh god i basically have to submit this stage' then I will post it as a blog. I would love some feedback and also to share my work with you!

Have a good day blogging world!

I am off to learn!

Semper Fidelis

I am 20, what do I possibly know about relationships you may ask.


I may have the impractical opinion that they should be loving and happy and joyful all the time but can't a girl dream.


I may believe that the occasional bunch of flowers or spontaneous picnics or walks in the mist are a necessity but don't always have to happen.


I may believe that I should be the princess of my partner's life and he is damn lucky to have me (this is a note to all potential SINGLE males from a single female)


I do not have to believe the next piece of criteria, it is just the cardinal rule in my humble opinion.


Within a relationship, all parties should be faithful! ALWAYS FAITHFUL.




I not so long ago had a messy break up. I have grown from my experience and I can live with myself knowing I had the time of my life whilst I was in it but the time of my life is continuing out of it as well.


I can swear on my life I was faithful.


What has pissed me off today is finding out that the other 50% of our little bond struggled with the cardinal rule. Good old facebook and the joys of having dated someone who may have hit puberty but is a lifetime off maturity.


Of course I am angry and hurt but you know what, good on him. He is strengthening himself and building a barrier for when someone does it to him. He obviously believed he had to be 'the cheater' to understand how to handle being cheated on. 


It is just like coaching. Bit hard to coach a team if you have never played the sport.




But just a heads up. 


Don't use me as your test dummy and your warm up lap.


It is not one's trophy! I for one am definitely not going to congratulate you. Might hit you but definitely not in a high-5 sense.


I hope he doesn't have to go through it because it is the worst final memory. It takes every good memory you have, experiences them and then turns them into your deepest fear and the biggest nightmare. You resent everything you had which is pointless because you wouldn't love something you resented. 


On the off chance it does happen to him (I will not laugh, I will comfort, I did love after all) but I also hope the training session he executed with me has prepared him.


Good luck! (Not only to him, but to all those that do it!)

Can't sleep - forming addiction

Its 12:23 and I can not sleep.


I am listening to a mix of songs from the Barbie Pool Party CD and then songs by Ne-yo and Mariah Carey.


One of the songs on my fun playlist includes S Club 7. Yeah and I am not afraid to admit that! I am quite proud actually! One of them was called Hannah, of course I love it!


I find it weird how certain songs bring back certain memories or are significant to the relationships, past and present.


Anything S Club 7 or Five is connected to my gorgeous girlfriend's Chloe and Melanie. Yes we do drive to the beach in summer, cruising in our bikinis blaring "If ya gettin down". We are gorgeous girls, we can get away with it!

When it comes to my best and oldest friend, Becca June, it is unfortunately anything Rock Eisteddford based and the stereotypical dance recital crap! I am a sports girl. Bee is a dancer and a damn good one at that. But I swear, this better be the last year of dance concerts!

I have gone and supported for years and I honestly love watching her dance. Bee is talented like no other and honestly makes me tear up when I watch her. But if i have to sit through another 12 year old who is being forced into singing lessons or group of kids who are so scared on stage that they freeze and cry I will personally sit in the audience and cry louder than them!

I do have fond music memories with Bee. Like working in the swamp. Cranking AJAX in LuLu Liberty with Buchanan. Rocking our waders and being inappropriate with the guys in the bush. We were little ravers for that week, flirtatious little bush girls!

I love those memorable songs!

I can be summed up in a genre.

I review all genres. My internship at Australian Internet Radio allows me to taste the finest of Australian music from all spectrums. I appreciate everything considering I can acknowledge the talent and skill it takes.

but me in a music genre - RNB

My friends know me as the Aussie Hip Hop girl. I do love a good night out at the pub with a casual gig at the G-spot as we call it but I live in Katoomba, that's about the only option we have! We are a town of Aussie Hip Hoppers.

If they welcomed the likes of Usher, Ne-yo, Mariah, Boyz II Men (weakness) into Katoomba then I think I would scare some people who think they 'know' me!

I definitely don't look like it but I am. 

My weakness is the music you need someone to dance with. Just clearing that point up by the way, I mean dance not grind with someone.

One of my favourite songs ever is Foolish by Ashanti (possibly my favourite female artist).

This song sums me up perfectly and is the reason I currently don't have the specific someone to dance with.

This song sums me up for the last five weeks. 

I have been a royal mess and have sunk myself into a hole.

Consequently, this song will forever be my memory of Taylor James Ensbey.

He was the best, he was my everything (he still is). He thinks I hate him and he hates me.

Little does he know that I don't hate him, I don't love him, but I do and will always care about him more than anything. It hurts the most when you know someone is miss using their potential.

There is no other way to put it other than I was foolish and I should have realised he wanted to be someone different to who he was with me.

I wish him all the best, and I hope no one prevents him being insanely good at whatever he chooses because you know what, he is going to make a mark on this world! I know it!

For all the memories we have and all the songs that I can tie to those memories, Foolish is the only one that matters. I wish neither of us was foolish enough to fall in love with the other. 

This may seem like a stupid and pointless 20 year old attention seeking blog but you know what, I need to do this. I'm not saying this will be the last, I'm actually guaranteeing it won't be but the others will be cheerier. The others, with time will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

This blog however does not see the light, merely the desire to have a friend back. 

I remember music and specific songs. It lives on and sticks round...much like my philosophy on what a friend is.

I stick round and I don't ditch friends...ever. I will always be there just like the memories and the tunes!

My dream.

I have had a dream since the age of 8.


That dream is of my wedding day.


As we drove into Thredbo in the winter of 1998, A beautiful anonymous bride floated out of the chapel. As she walked care-free to the road it began to snow and everything was picture perfect.


This is the location part of my dream.


I have a passion and obsession with fashion. Consequently I love things that are lavish and too expensive but oh so worth it. Oscar de la Renta is classic, stylish, timeless and elegant.


This is the clothing part of my dream.


My family drives me insane. When we fight we do a damn good job and we don't hold anything back. My sister frustrates the living daylights out of me (not all the time) and I am hopeless at communicating properly with my parents!


This is the involvement/guest list of my dream.


I want children, a home, a career and to share everything with that special person that gives me butterflies every time I see them.


This is the purpose of the dream.


When all combined, this is my dream wedding!


Of all elements in this dream, the involvement/guest list of the dream is the most important. If I didn't have my mum, dad or sister with me, the dream wouldn't be complete!




Who in their right mind had the balls to judge William for his wedding! All those people who had rants and tantrums over the cost and expense of the royal wedding should stick it up their ass and go give their mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters...FRIENDS and hug! Because you know what, one of the most significant people in his world wasn't there and he couldn't hug his mum on his wedding day!


Despite Britain having very little money at the moment, and a few economic issues, William and Kate shared their marriage with the world and they made the whole world smile, unite and feel significance. 


Us everyday folk are selfish about our weddings and expect them to  be exactly what we want! 


Kate and William shared that personal day with the whole world, minus William's mother. Yeah he may be the future King but he is strong and noble for us, so why don't we just eat our self-righteousness for a day and give the boy a break! 


It was a beautiful day! It was an honour for me to be able to watch such a significant event. It doesn't matter who you are or how much money you have, when you share something significant with a complete stranger, you do more for them than you can imagine.




I would trade places with Princess Diana just so William could share it with his mum instead of the entire world. 


The world may be big, but a mum is bigger! We wrap ourselves round the world and protect it and protest and have opinions and play this game called life. Mum's wrap their arms round their children and protest and have opinions all to protect their children!


I know I will need that protection and support on my wedding day and I am blessed to have my mum!